Gratitude When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned
This year has been one of the most transformative and confronting seasons of my life.
Earlier this year, I lost about five friends all at once. No big argument, no falling out, just silence. They stopped reaching out, and I’ve always been someone who matches the energy I’m given, so I didn’t chase answers. Could I have? Sure. But now, months later, it feels like a lifetime ago; one of those quiet lessons about letting people drift when they’re meant to.
At the same time, my career in healthcare has been burning me out for years. I thought switching companies would fix it; better pay, more promise, more purpose; but each time, the same feeling lingered. The truth is, I value my health, my fitness, my peace, and this job doesn’t support any of that. It’s important work, but it hasn’t felt rewarding in a long time.
And somewhere along the way, I realized how often I’ve built my life around everyone else; putting other people’s needs, comfort, and happiness before my own. That constant self-abandonment wears you down slowly until one day you wake up wondering when you stopped being the main character in your own story.
I’m turning 33 soon, and like many people my age, I’m watching friends get married, buy homes, and have children. I just found out my younger brother and his wife are expecting, and I’m so thrilled to become an auntie. That kind of joy fills me up completely.
But if I’m being honest, it also made me pause. It made me look at my own life, my own timing, and how far it’s drifted from the version I thought I’d be living by now.
Recently, I interviewed for a job I truly believed was meant for me. I went through 4 interviews which included a presentation. While I am very grateful for their time and the experience, I gave it everything; time, effort, hope. It came down to a close decision, but they chose someone else. They were kind enough to say they’d stay in touch, which I’m grateful for, but the initial rejection hit hard. I spent about 24 hours grieving; not just the job, but the future I had imagined for myself while waiting for that call.
And then, not even half an hour later, life moved on.
I got a call to cover a surgical case an hour and a half away. I worked through the night and didn’t get home until 4 a.m.
That moment hit me deeply. The contrast; grieving one reality while being pulled into another, reminded me how unpredictable this path can be.
Through it all, though, I keep coming back to gratitude.
Gratitude for the lessons, the endings, the quiet strength I’ve built along the way. Gratitude for how my own heartbreaks and hardships have shaped my calling and to hold space for others as they navigate theirs.
This current season isn’t easy, but it’s sacred. It’s showing me that even in the unraveling, there’s beauty. Even in the waiting, there’s purpose. And even when things don’t go as planned, I can still choose gratitude, not because everything is perfect, but because I’m still here, growing, healing, and finding my way home to myself.
