Where I Went Against My Own Knowing

Here’s something I’ve come to understand more clearly with time:

My work in neurophysiology was something my soul chose, just not as an endpoint.

Before that path, I was an art major. I loved to write and I felt most alive creating, expressing, and exploring meaning. But at some point, practicality began to speak louder than intuition. Stability, income, and certainty felt more responsible than listening to what my inner voice was quietly asking for.

So I made a choice that was not wrong or careless but one rooted in survival rather than alignment.

From a nervous system perspective, this makes sense. When safety feels uncertain, the brain prioritizes predictability over passion. The body chooses what it knows will keep it regulated, even if it isn’t fulfilling. Over time, though, living in this state creates a subtle form of stress because you’re asking your system to override its natural pull toward purpose.

And that’s when misalignment begins to show up.

Not dramatically but physiologically.

Chronic fatigue, restlessness, anxiety, and emotional numbness. A feeling of being “on” all the time without ever truly feeling home in yourself. This isn’t weakness, it’s your nervous system responding to sustained internal conflict.

For years, I felt stuck not because I didn’t see another path, but because my body hadn’t yet learned that it was safe to choose it.

Why Letting Go Triggers So Much Fear (The Science)

When you stay in a role, relationship, or identity for a long time, your nervous system wires it as safe, even if it isn’t aligned. The familiar becomes predictable, and predictability equals safety to the brain.

Letting go disrupts that pattern.

From a biological standpoint, uncertainty activates the same stress pathways as physical threat and cortisol rises. The mind searches for control. Fear surfaces not because the choice is wrong but because the system is being asked to operate without a map.

This is why leaving something misaligned can feel harder than staying. You’re not just making a decision, you’re asking your nervous system to re-learn safety and that takes time.

Where Trust Begins to Build

As I began reconnecting with what truly lights me up: healing work, writing, guiding others, I noticed something shift. Not overnight but gradually.

Consistency created regulation.

Each time I showed up for what felt true, my nervous system gathered evidence that I wasn’t in danger. That following passion didn’t equal collapse. That creativity could coexist with responsibility and that devotion to purpose didn’t mean abandonment of security, it meant redefining it.

This is where abundance actually begins, not as a mindset trick, but as a regulated state of being.

When the body feels safe, clarity emerges.
When clarity emerges, aligned action follows.
When aligned action is sustained, opportunities respond.

A Gentle Truth I’m Living By

If you’ve ever gone against what your soul truly wanted whether out of fear, necessity, or conditioning, you didn’t fail yourself.

You adapted.

And now, if that old choice no longer fits, it doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It means you’re ready for the next expression of yourself.

You don’t have to leap before you’re ready and you don’t have to abandon logic to honor intuition.

You only have to stay consistent with what feels true and allow trust to build slowly, safely, and honestly.

Abundance flows where authenticity is sustained.